Having a Kid During the COVID19 Pandemic - A personal experience
I have been relatively quiet for the past few months here, and I'd like to write about my recent experiences of navigating a pandemic with a newborn. To be frank, it's been a hectic ride.
Third Trimester is Fun... Unless You're Panicking
My wife entered the third trimester in February, by which time the news regarding how bad COVID-19 was going to be was a bit difficult. The news was downplaying significance and spread to the US. Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out a backup plan on what to do if my classes were canceled. I didn't expect it to get as bad as quickly as it did, and was hoping I'd had until late May/June before the US was in trouble. And now... well we are teaching remotely until who knows when.
I remember talking with my wife, who is a community pharmacist, on getting supplies just in case. We ended up getting cleaning supplies, I bought some extra food, and we got materials for the newborn if things went south.
By March, Massachusetts was seeing widespread community spread, and my wife had limited access to PPE. Our daycare had closed, and I was teaching at home with our toddler. I remember when my wife would come home and having to hold my toddler back from hugging her as she went and got herself cleaned up. We were worried as hell about what happened if my wife caught COVID while pregnant, and I spent too much time reading research papers about what cases had found to find some light of reassurance that things would be ok. It didn't really help.
My wife's last pregnancy was rough, and this one was showing similar difficulties. She developed sciatica and some other problems that led her to go on leave based on her OB/GYN recommendation, which, to be honest, was probably a blessing.
I found my time spent between managing a home toddler and running classes remotely, and then taking on extra rotation students that needed rotation hours to graduate but couldn't go to clinical sites. We managed, but it was rough at times. I had never really got into using Amazon or other delivery services, but with other baby supplies being needed and things for the home, I can tell you I've broken down more cardboard boxes in the past few months than I have all my life.
Prepping for the Birth and Hospital Stay
My wife and I spent many hours trying to figure out how we were going to manage when our child came due. Some of the issues we faced were the following:
Who was going to watch our toddler? We had stayed home and away from the public, using Instacart and Amazon for supplies, but didn't know who to turn to on the day/night, my wife went into labor. I didn't even know if I could go with my wife, and that was anxiety-inducing thinking of my wife giving birth alone. We ended up having a family member come live with us that I went and got in Pennsylvania to stay with us a few weeks before delivery to help us out. I can say that it was probably the biggest relief. My backup plan was to ask our neighbors or a colleague who lived in town to drop our son off at if things didn't work out.
Baby supplies limited. I ended up meeting with my parents halfway between their home and mine (about a 4-hour drive) to get diapers and wipes and other supplies that we were not able to find locally or via delivery. It was worrisome to the say the least it had come to that. Babies use a lot of diapers, so I knew I needed a lot. One item we failed to find easily was a rectal thermometer. We had thrown out the last one when it had gone bad, and now we didn't have one. We ended up finding one online after digging around.
How were we going to be safe in the hospital? We decided to pack two bags of material and to bring our car seat in a trash bag with us only. Looking back, I can say my wife still packed too much that we never used, but it was still less than with our son. We got everything that we thought would be essential to bring, as we realized we wouldn't be leaving once in the hospital. This included:
Change of clothes
Baby clothes
Gloves & Masks & Wipes
Phone chargers
Personal information (insurance, ID, etc.)
Glasses instead of contacts
OB/GYN visits before birth? We were requested to do telehealth visits with the provider for a bit. It's interesting when you realize that most people don't have the material at home to do simple vitals. If you've been following my work here, you know I review many such devices, which came in help. Nonetheless, we had to go in for weekly ultrasounds for three weeks before birth due to some concerns. It's weird sitting in the parking lot as your wife puts on some PPE to go into an office while you wait, and then help her clean up before going back home.
The Birth
Now, it just so happened that the last visit with the OB/GYN we found my wife was having contractions and had dilated enough that it was felt we should go to the hospital. We had our bags and material all packed up during this time. So we made a call to the family member we weren't coming home and headed into the hospital across the street.
Getting to L&D. We parked our car in the garage and went into the hospital, which only had a few entrances open. We were screened via our temperatures and a questionnaire, then directed where to go.
L&D. Once we got to L&D, my wife was admitted, and we were put in a waiting bay where vitals were collected and general health information. Our temps were taken again. We were there for about an hour and then moved into the same room where my wife had delivered our son previously, which we felt was ironic. Now my wife was dilated around 5cm at this time and then stopped, around 4PM. She had an epidural placed in, and we waited. Which to be honest wasn't too terrible, just tedious. We had our masks on that we brought from home. Interestingly, we were offered masks when we came in but elected to use the ones we had, but we were never offered new masks for the rest of our hospital stay. Around 11PM, my wife was placed on Pitocin, and by 4AM, she was dilated enough and her water broken. She delivered our daughter 20minutes later to our joy. At this point, I would say L&D was probably the smoothest part of the journey and went better than we expected. We had many people coming and checking on us, and all had PPE and washing hands and seemed normal. I would say if everyone didn't have the masks, it would have been like last time. But that changed when we moved on to the maternity side.
Maternity Ward. I hated it, but not because something bad happened, but because it felt like a prison. We had a smaller room with the same uncomfortable couches I remember sleeping on. My wife was coming off the analgesics and having pain, but manageable and our daughter was doing fine. But then it slowly dawned on us, we would be in this room for the next 24-48hrs alone, with infrequent visits. I think we realized that the staffing was short or something amiss when we would make requests (e.g., water, pain meds, etc.), but wait time was longer than expected. And compared to the normal small talk post-birth from staff, it was in-and-out from all the nurses and staff. I would say it was to minimize contact time to prevent infection, which is good, but then you start to dwell on the fact that no family was going to come, no friends, and no one to say hello. I think, since we had gone through this moment in the past with our son, it was such a mental discord to have no one to share the occasion with that felt really off. At least we knew what to do this time around, and I would say I feel terrible for any first time parents that are doing this all for the first time and have no support or family to help guide them. It was just my wife, me, and our newborn. We requested early leave and got out 30 hours after birth. It was a long 30 hours as we waited for our daughter to clear each examination (blood work, pediatric evaluation, hearing, etc.). We just wanted out, and when we were cleared, we were so happy. I think it was the fact that we knew we had all the material and supplies at home to take care of the newborn easier than staying in the hospital. I didn't want to bring them in for precaution, and I couldn't leave and come back in any event. So, we changed our newborn, took a few pictures (and looking back, I took so many fewer pictures this time around), and put her in a car seat with a cloth thrown over to give some semblance of protection. I distinctly remember leaving the room, to a quiet hall, getting onto the elevator to go to the ground floor, and walking to the garage in an almost empty hospital. It was, in many ways, surreal.
Coming Home and Post-Partum Care
Getting home was a relief and a trying time to find a new regimen of sleep and taking care of a newborn and toddler. We settled on I would stay up in the evening while my wife slept, and change shifts halfway so I could sleep, and she would watch the newborn. At least this way, we get 6 hours of rest. I have started taking the toddler on walks in outdoor trails and parks, away from other people, as he acclimates towards another child in the house. I like to say my love is infinite, but my time is not, so trying to find a balance there.
We have well visits to go to, which are rather interesting. You get calls confirming you are on your way, then you sit in the parking lot until a nurse calls you to come in. The visits are quick, to say the least.
We actually got a call 3 days after being home that we were exposed to someone who tested positive for COVID-19. But, they wouldn't say if it was a staff member, someone just on the floor, or just passing by. We were taking our temperatures, but we were not wearing our masks all the time in the maternity section, so needless to say, we were a little worried. At this point, we seem well. The pandemic issue is always in the back of your mind with this, I feel, but never more noticeable when my wife and I make comments on how the firstborn experience was.
No one has come by, not that we want anyone, but the welcome home meals or calls to offer help aren't there. I hope that my parents may see her in the coming months. We do facetime, and web calls with friends and family to show her, and answer the same questions. But, I think you can see that many want to hold her and share in the experience of a newborn that just isn't there. This personal bonding time is really limited, and the social aspect is gone. Again, I can only guess what first-time parents are feeling and going through. It has to be rough. But, I also couldn't imagine what would happen if one of us got sick right now, or even worse, hospitalized. How could one parent function taking care of a newborn and toddler alone with no one that wants to come to help a home with a recently infected person?
Going forward, the psychological barrier of a lack of social time, I think, makes this the hardest. My grandmother is in hospice, and I cannot see her, and just facetime with her and virtually chat with my family. I don't think she has much time. This social toll, I think, will be the biggest thing when I look back on this period of my life. I have accepted that 2020 and 2021 will be 'lost' years of my life, but I am happy to have a healthy daughter and wife that I can spend time with at home with the world around us struggling to find its future. That is all I can ask for.